How to Take Care of Yourself When…Headlines are Inviting Anxiety and Depression

In the words of one of my clients: “I am barely able to function right now.  I am paralyzed by what is happening in our government.  I just don’t know what to do.”

I am hearing from clients and friends- and know from personal experience- that times are trying right now, to be euphemistic.  While there is great togetherness among caring people and communities who are standing up to celebrate and protect each other, there is an underlying and real fear of national and global catastrophe.  There is plenty of evidence every day in the news that the US federal government is entering a phase of fascism that will include mass suffering and even death.  It sounds like history is repeating itself- as the plot of a Hollywood movie depicting an apocalyptic United States.  For some of us- the most underprivileged and most vulnerable- every day can feel like a new nightmare.  This is the unreal reality that we are all facing.

Dark Skies

This storm is not our first.

I choose the phrase “unreal reality” because we are suffering from some factual events, but also from our own perceptions and expectations.  When we are suffering there is what is happening (the facts being reported by legitimate news outlets)- and then there is all that we pile on top of it.  All of our over-generalizations, fortune telling, and fallacies of external control cause uncomfortable facts to become insurmountable crises in our minds.  The fact that politician A signs an executive order is the reality, the consequences we and others dream up of that action is the unreality.  Will there be mass suffering?  Or will the order be nullified by a yet-unknown other entity?  Will the politician become embroiled in lawsuits and be unable to pursue his political agenda?  We don’t know.

At this juncture- and throughout our lives- the vast majority of our suffering in modern, Western culture comes from what we pile on top of the facts.  Let’s all take responsibility for the stories we weave in our own minds and share with each other- and refrain from catastrophizing.  So much of what we fear is not only not yet a catastrophe, but may take a sharp right turn for something surprisingly good.  We just don’t know.   

In order to reduce the collective pain right now, I’d like to share 3 straightforward suggestions for stepping off this doomsday train of fear and powerlessness.  Let’s instead choose to stand on solid ground.

 

Step Away From the Information Ledge

If you are regularly consuming news stories that leave you feeling anxious and/or depressed, it’s time to stop.  What you are doing is an emotional version of picking a scab.  Leave it alone!  Being an informed person is important, but being a happy person is more important.  If you have to choose between “informed” and “happy,” please choose “happy.”  

How stepping away from the news looks is up to you.  If you want to not watch news programs nor read news articles at all- nor even go on social media where the headlines are all over the place- you have the right to do that.  If you want to spend at most half an hour at a specified time each day scanning the headlines, do that.  Just don’t check in on the headlines with constant push notifications on your phone, peppering your day with doses of depression.  No one needs that.  Unless your profession requires that you know exactly what is happening, all the time, let it go.  

Instead of absorbing the news about distant decisions and potential fall-outs of those decisions, come back to the very real present moment, right in front of you.  Right now, are you… physically comfortable?  Have you eaten?  Are there any stretches you can do that would release some tension in your body?  All of these questions bring me to my second suggestion…

 

Treat Yourself Well

In the space created by not exposing yourself to the news so much, make self-care your priority.  Again, that can look many ways: pausing to do some stretching, making yourself a healthy meal, uplifting reading or listening, simply enjoying silence and your in-and-out breaths.  Going outside for a ten-minute walk.  Investing in personal psychotherapy or massage therapy every week.  When stress is high, your self-care needs to be higher.  

I have heard it said that if you usually meditate for half an hour each day, very busy times call for sitting a full hour.  That is the paradox of self-care: so many of us throw caring for ourselves out the door when we feel overwhelmed… which is exactly the time we need to narrow our vision to the bare essentials: livelihood, family obligations- and self-care.  

I can’t over-emphasize the importance of checking in with your physical and emotional needs at this time and taking a warrior stance in shoring yourself up.  Only happy and peaceful people can create happiness and peace in the world.  Begin with yourself, and move out from there.       

 

Lift Up Your Voice

Finally, a positive outcome of the alarming news is that all kinds of people are newly becoming actively engaged in US democracy.  Whether meeting together in private homes or town halls or on street corners, you are not alone.  You are part of the majority.  There are a lot of people now working on the issue of preventing the growth of fascism, in official and unofficial capacities.  It is healing to be part of that group.  Again, your choices are wide here.  Depending on the influence you have in your professional and personal roles, you can be an organizer or a joiner.  You can be a marcher or a donor- or a fund withholder.  Do you have any financial ties to organizations that are supporting destruction and human rights violations?  Eliminate those ties immediately.  Our voice is expressed in numerous ways, and the dollar is a powerful form of voice.  

There are people hosting parties to write letters to politicians about the issues.  There are groups planning the next march.  There are churches and schools determining how to protect their community members who are not US citizens.  Are you a writer?  A builder?  Those talents can be used.  Your particular voice matters, and I encourage you to find a constructive and personally meaningful way to speak out.  Speak out both independently and alongside the many, many other voices already speaking out.  

 

By taking care of ourselves and standing up together for what is beautiful in this world, we truly can- and are- shaping the future.  As one of my teacher says, “the best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.”  Taking care of your present moment by taking care of yourself and your community is a form of activism.  Taking care of the present moment is already creating the future you want.  Here’s to arriving in that bright future happy, healthy, and surrounded by Tribe.

 

Important skills you are strengthening:

Creating Community

Generosity

Pausing

Setting Boundaries

Letting Go

Share Your Experience

Do you have techniques for managing anxiety-provoking news?  Please share about it in the “comments” section.  The internet is a powerful resource for learning from others- make your experience count!  

How to Take Care of Yourself When… There is Suffering Everywhere

In the words of one of my clients: “The state of the world makes it hard for me to feel joy.  Even though things are going alright in my life, I feel overwhelmed by the daily news of violence, environmental degradation, poverty…”

 

It is undeniable that there is great suffering on this planet.  The main news outlets are mostly filled with accounts of both local and international suffering.  Of course, logically we know that beautiful, joyful events are also happening everyday- and yet it can be a challenge to even find information about these examples of progress, generosity, kindness, and hope.

So, how do we cope with the pain of the awareness of the great quantity and depth of suffering impacting people and ecosystems all over the planet?  Like all pain that we experience, the best response is twofold: acknowledging the pain and then proactively addressing its source.  

 

This Hurts

Contrary to the messages of polite society, there are no emotional nor social benefits to being a robotic automaton without sensitivity to the pains and joys that roll through this life.  On the emotional front, anything pushed out of awareness only comes back in worse form- exaggerated reactions to pain in the future and / or physical illness, for example.  On the social front, others will find you cold and lacking personality- and deep interpersonal connection will be elusive.  An authentic, fully-developed adult recognizes and allows their own pain and processes it- allowing it to transform- in a responsible way.

If you are in pain, hold that pain for as long as you need.  Get intimate with it.  What does it feel like in your chest cavity when you see the city cut down a thriving 80-year old tree because its roots are causing problems with the sidewalk?  Where in your body are you impacted when you hear news of a serious accident in which lives were lost?  Sometimes, we only need 10 seconds to allow painful information to work its way through us.  Other times- especially when the suffering is especially deep or near to us, we need to hold and process our experience of it more deeply.  This can look many ways.  

One form of processing is to strike up a conversation with a loved one about the situation.  Just hearing another person say, “I know- that is really sad!” helps to not feel alone in holding the suffering of the world.  On a similar front, bringing the situation up in your own personal therapy can be helpful.  A therapist will likely direct the conversation towards the personal significance, to you, of this particular situation that is impacting you.  Some people find ceremony helpful.  When I hear about brutality in the world, I find the time to light incense, meditate, and pray for the victims and perpetrators to find freedom from their immense suffering.  

Golden Hour

Coming home to our beautiful planet is the best medicine.

In addition to other people and your source of spiritual life, you can also find support from the Earth.  We all came from and return to the Earth- which is able to create and absorb anything that we humans can imagine, and more.  One of my teachers takes daily walks in the Garden of the Gods in Colorado, a place filled with beautiful geologic formations.  When she sits there, she feels her troubles being held not just by herself, but by the Earth that is reaching up and holding her as she sits.  When we can transcend the illusion of isolation and see the various entities- human and otherwise- that surround and support us, our burdens become much more manageable.

We can also harness the mind-body connection and use physical ways to process our emotional pain.  Take a walk, do yoga, go on a run, surf, swim- do whatever it is that centers you and also increases your literal “flows” in your body, via the many systems (circulatory, digestive, lymphatic, etc.) of the human body.  Another benefit of some of these activities is coming into direct contact with the natural world.  One thing I do when I run through the forest where I live is to become aware of the sweet smell of the ponderosa pine trees, the fragrant earth after a rain, the slightly oceanic smell of the creeks and rivers.  I use my sensitive scent palate to find healing.  When I deeply inhale the exhalations of nature, I take them in as healing agents, filling my body with the life-force of the earth, working their way into every corner- including the places in my heart that hurt.  I’m aware this is a practice in imagination- and also that our minds have much sway in our physical health.  If there is a way you can incorporate positive imagery into your practice, why not try it?

After holding and allowing your pain to transform, one outcome may be a resolve to make a difference in the area of suffering that hit you hard in the first place.  If so, read on.      

 

I Have the Choice to Do Something

There are people working on every issue of injustice and suffering in this world.  Are you already, or are you meant to be, one of them?  This is something only you can decide for yourself.  The key concept here is “I have the choice,” not “do something.”  A friend of mine recently made reference to his “ego-based belief” that he needed to make everything alright.  It can be very empowering to see a need and to address it- you see a homeless and potentially hungry person and you offer the person food.  You visit the beach and pick up the trash you find there.  It is good and feels good to be a force of love and healing in the world.  

The challenge is that if you stopped to address every injustice and every place of hurt that you saw… you would have a hard time functioning in this world that requires that most of us spend most of our waking hours working, usually in careers that are not directly addressing these areas of need.  This is why so many people are actually blind to the great magnitude of suffering everywhere- in our own neighborhoods, schools, homes.  It is overwhelming to be aware and to have the kind of compassion that actively works to alleviate all of the suffering around us.  Unless we are able to let go of our worldly ties and dive headlong into service, like Mother Teresa, we have to choose when to address suffering and when to not address it.  If you are reading this article, chances are that you have the blessing and the curse of clearly seeing much of the suffering in this world, and it can get you down.

Many years ago I asked a spiritual teacher what I should do when I saw a man hit a dog.  I had been traveling in a developing country the week before, and I had become upset when I saw a man on the street hit a dog.  My teacher gave a long answer, but the first observation he made was, “It sounds like you are attached to the idea that the dog shouldn’t suffer; that all beings should be free of suffering…” This observation was correct.  I was operating on the assumption that a paradise of freedom from suffering for all beings was possible and that I had an obligation to correct unnecessary suffering that I saw… even though I know that suffering is a key piece of life and that there is no freedom from suffering if there is no suffering (non-duality.)  My teacher also spoke to practical approaches in the situation I presented (such as addressing the suffering of a man who would hit a dog,) but my primary take-away was the reminder that there will be suffering, and that it’s not my job to fight that fact.  It turns out that there is great freedom in relinquishing responsibility for the happiness of all beings on the planet!!  

I bring up this story to remind us that, while we can work for freedom from suffering, we must do it without attachment to the idea that we will eradicate suffering.  Like my friend who became aware of his ego-based need to make everything alright, we need to be aware of our actual position in the cosmos.  We are each one being in an infinitude of beings on a tiny planet in one small corner of the universe.  We can only go about making change in the world in a healthy way that preserves our own emotional and spiritual health when we recognize that the journey of other people’s lives, of animals’ lives, of the life of the planet are their own journeys, directed by infinite factors.  No one person’s effort- and maybe not the efforts of every human on the planet- can “fix” a single person’s life challenges or the challenges of the Earth.  In other words: let the weight of the world slide right off your shoulders, because you are not the boss of things.       

With this awareness, is there a way that works for you that you can address the world’s suffering?  You could choose one area of focus and then choose how deeply you want to dive into it.  For example, you may decide that child abuse is something you want to help reduce.  On a small scale, you can bring awareness to Child Abuse Prevention Month via social media.  You could donate to local non-profits that work with at-risk children and parents to prevent child abuse and neglect.  You could become a volunteer court appointed advocate for children in foster care.  You could go to school to become a social worker and work in child welfare.  You could do as Mother Teresa and join a monastic order dedicated to caring for impoverished children!  

Another approach could be to have a rule for yourself regarding how you address the suffering you come directly across.  For example, you could decide that if you cross paths directly with someone suffering- a hungry or homeless or distraught person- you will stop what you are doing and offer help.  You can decide that you will donate money once a month to a specific charity and that you will otherwise not get involved with strangers on the street.  At the same time, you can decide to not follow social media or the news because being aware of the suffering of the world- when you can’t directly change the vast majority of it- is hurting your mental health.

The person whose well-being you have the most ability to support is yourself.  When you make the choice to acknowledge and care for your own pain related to the suffering of the world, you are more able to make a difference through action- in the appropriate, thoughtfully considered way that you choose.        

 

Important skills you are strengthening:

Pausing

Boundaries

Looking Deeply

Generosity

 

Share Your Experience
How do you handle the suffering of the world?  How do you process the deepest suffering?  How do you decide when to act, and when to not act?  Please share about it in the “comments” section.  The internet is a powerful resource for learning from others- make your experience count!  

 

How to Take Care of Yourself When… You Know You Are Going to Die

The experience of a former client: “I was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer and given a 16% chance for survival in five years’ time.  After all the treatment I’ve been through, we haven’t seen remission.  I don’t have much time left.”

I have heard it said that the point of living is to learn how to die.  In other words, we have succeeded in “living” if we live our lives in a way that- should we die this instant, from any of an infinite number of unforeseeable causes- there is nothing of consequence left incomplete.  Sure, we may never finish writing the book we began nor may we compete in the marathon we planned to run: those things are not the ultimate definition of “success.”  In the case of the former client whose dilemma, above, I am referencing for this article, a young child was left fatherless when the client died.  In his last weeks of life, the thought of not being there to “walk his daughter down the aisle” represented his fathomless grief at dying young.  This was heartbreaking for me, a tragedy that doesn’t make sense.  Most adults have faced senseless tragedy in our own lives or the lives of those around us.  While we can’t control the fact that sometimes, our lives are cut much shorter than the average and with fallout that feels cosmically unjust, we can absolutely control the way we live our lives until that unknowable date comes.  Being given a “deadline” is in one way a kind of gift- it can be a wake-up call out of the torpor in which many of us find ourselves floating.

underwater

Time to Wake Up

So, what do we do with the time we have?  Most of the tasks which we must accomplish to survive in this world are only beneficial because they help us succeed “historically”- in the realm of everyday things like career and finances and preserving material possessions.  These tasks seem to matter much, but they “ultimately”- in the realm of ontology- are of little consequence: paying mortgages, submitting paperwork for professional licenses on time, getting vehicles in for regular tune-ups, etc.  If we don’t tend to these things, our lives will be a bit out of control, things will fall apart… but, ultimately, dying individuals do not look back on their lives and think, “I am most grateful I never overdrew my checking account,” nor “I wish I had maintained my car better.”  In an often-publicized look into end-of-life regrets published by a palliative care nurse after eight years working with the dying, a common thread emerges: openness, authenticity, and strong relationships.  The regrets of the dying circle around the themes of not having been open and authentic in their lives, and not having put enough energy into building strong friendships and family connections.    

The consequences of these regrettable oversights are spending valuable life-energy doing things that are not fulfilling and, as the more than 70-year-long Harvard Grant Study has shown, not cultivating the one thing that leads to a longer, happier life: love.  It’s never too early nor too late to live your life fully.  Here are three suggestions that can guide you towards a regret-free life every day- whether you have 1 day, 100 days, or an unknown number of days left on this planet.

Sometimes, the grief of holding the prognosis that you are probably going to die soon is all you can do.  In those moments, all you can expect of yourself is to receive these three qualities of Amends, Appreciation, and Gratitude from others- and to give them to yourself, when you can.

 

Amends

We’ve all heard the term “to make amends,” but not many of us have an actual practice of regularly making amends.  In short, to “make amends” is to take responsibility for your part of a conflict and to share your regret at having played that part with the other parties involved.  This is a big part of 12-step recovery (step 10, “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”)  

You might be thinking, “But, but, SHE said X and SHE did Y, why should I be the one to apologize?”  You should be the one to take responsibility for your actions- regardless of whether the other person is blameless or is truly the source of most of the conflict- because they are YOUR actions.  You can only control your actions and your words, not those of others.  This is the meaning of another 12-step phrase, “Keeping your side of the street clean.”  Is waiting for the other person to wise up and admit their wrongdoing worth dying with a family conflict over a car that was totaled or a Christmas card that wasn’t sent?  When we remember that death is imminent, it is easier to openly, authentically- courageously- acknowledge our wrongdoing.

If this concept is entirely new to you, this article breaks it down pretty well.  I especially like the article’s focus on not just identifying the action for which you are apologizing, but the character defect of yours that allowed it to happen.  It’s also always powerful to identify the negative impact you believe this had on the other party, and your plan for fixing any damage caused and for preventing future lapses on your part.  For example, “Joe, I’m sorry that I cut you off in the staff meeting yesterday- you were making a point, and I was acting out of impatience and self-centeredness.  It must have felt insulting when I did that.  If it’s okay with you, I’d like to apologize for it at the beginning of next week’s meeting, to clear the air among all the staff so they know that what I did wasn’t right and that I am working on being more patient and kind.”

It’s important for us to always remember- whether veteran amend-makers or those new to making amends- that, similar to forgiveness, we are doing this work not only to be kind to others, but to free ourselves of the psychic, spiritual, and emotional binds of conflict and resentment.  We can only have deep and loving relationships if we are committed to this kind of open and communicative integrity.  What sounds most fulfilling: hiding behind self-righteousness and having shallow relationships, or vulnerably admitting when wrong and having deep relationships built on trust?

While it takes time to build trust between people, it is never too late to make amends.  The other party in the conflict may have written you off and may refuse to respond to what you have to say- but knowing that you faced your shortcomings and courageously sought reconciliation will free you from the burden of that guilt and shame.  When making amends, we make them with zero expectation from the recipient.  We are taking responsibility for our own actions, not taking inventory of others’ actions.  In fact, it is critical to only address our actions and not the actions of the other person during the course of our amends.  This is why it is important to have a script, so that we don’t regress mid-conversation to defensively trying to explain our actions based on the others’ actions.

If there is nothing else you have time to do before dying, it is worthwhile to identify all the outstanding conflicts in your life and investigating your part in them, writing a succinct but full script hitting all the key points (your role, your character defect, your regret at causing the other person pain, your plan for rectifying the problem) and delivering that script- whether in person, on the telephone, or in a written letter.  Do it promptly.

If you are unsure, find a friend or spiritual teacher who is willing to look at your amends with you and see if they seem right.  Always consider the recipient when making amends.  Does the other person fear you / your history of violence?  In that case, stick to a phone call or letter and clearly state that you only have one thing to say, that you do not intend to write or call again, and that you expect nothing in return from him or her.  Do you have reason to fear the potential violence of the other person?  Write your script in your own journal and do not deliver it.  Just.  Get.  Clear.  And then move on.  

Beyond people, there are other instances that call for making amends.  If you have a “Creator” concept in your spiritual views- particularly the Christian belief that you will go to hell unless you have humbled yourself before God and asked for salvation- this would be an important time to make sure you do that.

Moving forward, make daily amends- every night, look at your day and determine if you have anyone to whom you need to make an amend, and then do it promptly.  

         

Appreciate

In tandem with making amends, appreciating is the best way to strengthen relationships.  It also happens that spending time thinking about what we appreciate lifts our mood.  Every day, dozens of people we can name and thousands of unknown people contribute to our lives.  While it is beneficial just to think of and silently appreciate all this support coming our way, outwardly expressing this appreciation is the more “open, authentic” avenue.  The more you are able to express your appreciation to the people around you, the happier everyone will be.  Would you rather leave a neutral / critical legacy, or a grateful legacy?

If you are generally thoughtful, you probably already thank the people in service positions that you come across- checkout clerks, waiters, receptionists.  It’s always nice to say “thank you” when someone helps you.  It’s a delight to be able to share even more appreciation, with a specific gratitude.  For example, “Thank you for your patience as I unloaded my cart,” or “I appreciated the reminder call yesterday, I had actually forgotten to put the appointment on my calendar.”  Something sweet to do if you have several errands is to buy / snip a bouquet of fragrant, seasonal flowers and give one or two stems to the people in service positions that day that you come across, along with a verbal “thank you!”

As for people who occupy more time in your life, like colleagues or family members, making a point to catch them doing something you appreciate or admire and telling them is a joyful practice.  Small and beautiful / practical gifts, like flowers, coffee, or lunch, are easy and yet impactful.  If you have little time left on this planet (read: any of us,) spread appreciation in all directions.  Make it a goal to tell 1, 2, or 5 people each day what you appreciate about them.   

 

Generosity    

Yet another pro-social action that has strong positive impacts on the doer is generosity.  Whether gifts to people you see often or donations of time or resources to causes you appreciate, practicing generosity not only leaves a positive impact in your physical absence, but also helps you thrive while you are here, with feelings of purpose and connection.  I am most fond of acts of generosity that are experiential- where I can directly interact with those receiving my offering.  For example, if you donate money to a homeless shelter, can you also sign up to serve a meal there?  If you donate supplies to a youth program, can you also attend their open-house event and meet some of the families that benefit from the program?  How about making 15 sack lunches and taking a bike ride to pass them out at a homeless encampment?  Offering to carry bags when you see someone struggling?  Spending your Saturday helping at a public tree-planting event or an athletic event?  Doing a chore around the house that someone else normally does?  The possibilities are infinite.

It’s easy to be blind to the ways we can be generous, but if you commit to finding one way each day to practice generosity, the small but important actions will be easier to identify and do.  The more you can work generosity into your daily experience, the more beautiful your life and your legacy.   

 

            

     Important skills you are strengthening:

Amends

Communication

Personal Responsibility

Gratitude

Appreciating

Generosity

 

Share Your Experience

How do you live your life fully, every day?  Please share about it in the “comments” section.  The internet is a powerful resource for learning from others- make your experience count!  

How to Take Care of Yourself When… You Are Not Feeling the Love on Valentine’s Day

“I hate being alone on Valentine’s Day.  I don’t even like commercial holidays- but it still gets to me.”

 

There are several reasons why you may not “feel the love” this year on Valentine’s Day.  To name a few: being single if you would prefer to have a partner, having a partner who doesn’t express appreciation or affection as much as you would prefer, and being in a state of grief- for any kind of loss.  Even while the dominant culture seems to worship partnership and romantic love, the fact is that more than half of American adults- according to recent census measures- are single, which here means “unmarried.”  Not all, but many of us have a natural drive for romantic connection with another person.  Being single- combined with desiring a partner- during a holiday where others are enjoying time with their partners is a perfect time to take care of yourself.  In fact, any time that the wider culture is celebrating something that is not part of your current reality is a perfect time to take care of yourself.

 

Both of the categories below for taking care of yourself when not feeling the love, Make it a Self-Care Day and Let Your Light Shine, are using the same principle: watering the tiny seeds of happiness, love, and generosity that are always in us, but that- at difficult times- are hard to see.  We are not the victims of our emotions, and we are not our emotions.  Emotions come, emotions go- and we have a direct hand in helping them along in the direction we want them to go.  That is what all of the suggestions in this week’s article are meant to do.  Note: if you are suffering with major depression, it’s important to start small.  It is less likely you will be motivated to do something large to care for yourself (like the “run a marathon” possibility, below.)  Something small, like drawing a bath or reaching out with a phone call to a friend, are perfectly good and will also alter your brain chemistry for the positive.  Depression has a way of darkening our view of all kinds of things- even your self-care efforts.  I challenge anyone experiencing major depression to celebrate what you ARE able to do, rather than judging yourself for what you currently aren’t doing.  We are all on our own paths.  I’ve heard it said that we are all uniquely beautiful flowers in the garden of humanity- you, me: everyone.        

 

Make it a Self-Care Day

I’d like to note that self-care almost never requires a lot of money.  However, sometimes it is nice to pamper yourself with experiences that you don’t have every day.  Whether you spend any extra money on your day or not, the point is to give yourself some truly present care.  Especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day, I like to think of it as being your own awesome romantic partner; it turns out that you can do for yourself the things you would love to do for a partner or for a partner to do for or with you.  Here is a list of possibilities:

-Make a point of attending that yoga class / crossfit session / hiking club / etc. you tend to skip.

-Make a healthy and delicious meal to eat while listening to your favorite music.

-Put some candles and nice music (favorite beverage?) in the bathroom, draw yourself a hot bath, and soak for as long as you want.

-Buy yourself flowers or a new potted plant for your home or office.

-Set aside time to do your creative thing- play your instrument, paint, sculpt, write.

-Take yourself out to an amazing show you wouldn’t normally pay to see.

-Go to bed early and spend some quality time… with yourself… before falling asleep.

-Get a professional massage.

-Give yourself a massage- maybe in the bath.  Massaging your own calves, feet, belly, arms, neck, head, face, and hands is really nice.

-Spend some quality time with your Higher Power, if you believe in one: prayer, meditation, listening to a dharma talk / sermon, going to church.

-Invest in brushing up your appearance with a haircut, facial, or manicure.

-Schedule an all-day outdoor adventure, if mid-February weather where you live is comfortable for you: a bike tour, surfing, a long hike, a marathon.  Hint: this year, the LA Marathon is on Valentine’s Day…

 

lakeswimmer

You might need a wetsuit, but an outdoor adventure will change your state of mind.

 

Let Your Light Shine
Sometimes, self-care comes in the form of letting our love and care flow outward.  When we consciously choose to focus on uplifting others (rather than focusing on others as a habitual way of not paying attention to our own needs; there is a big difference!) we are liberating some of our most powerful potential: the potential to multiply positive energy, to touch many lives.  At the end of the day, those we touch and we, ourselves, are lifted up.  In order to access our loving thoughts and appreciations, it is key to pause and spend 10 minutes or so meditating on and/or writing about the people in our lives who we’d like to give some love.  What do you appreciate about them?  What really great qualities about them might be hidden much of the time?  Where have you seen them shine?

 

Once you’ve got some love flowing, here are several suggestions for sharing that love with the people in our lives on or near Valentine’s Day:

 

-Buy a dozen flowers and give one, with a small note of appreciation attached, to your nearest colleagues (in your office, for example, or on your team.)

-Invite a good friend to be your guest at that music show with which you are pampering yourself.

-Write a haiku or other short verse about someone you appreciate, describing their superhero qualities, and give it to them- by email, on a social media forum, in a card, on a note attached to something nice like a flower or chocolate.

-Take a good friend out for a special lunch.

-Make it a point of telling a handful of people (3?  8?) a few things you appreciate about them when you see them the week of Valentine’s Day.

-Depending on your goofball factor (mine is pretty high,) buy a box of those Valentines that kids give each other at school from the drugstore, and give them (with candy hearts in the envelope, of course) to your friends / neighbors / colleagues who you think can handle the goof.

-If you don’t already have a place you volunteer your time regularly, find one ahead of time and schedule to be there on Valentine’s Day, caring for the people, land, or animals the place serves.

 

Important skills you are strengthening:

Appreciating

Communication

Service

Generosity

Gratitude

Compassion

Now, Share Your Experience

If you have some tips for self-care during triggering holidays, please share them in the “comments” section.